


A Most Befuddling Thing

by LePipi



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 01:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5987695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LePipi/pseuds/LePipi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter get's an invitation to a Stark party, yet his excitement quickly turns sour. Deadpool is there to help, of course! Only, he's not gonna be there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Most Befuddling Thing

The big bad 'NO!' greeted Peter at a superhero conference. Of sorts. Apparently, Tony felt a burst of joy after a particularly messy situation for the Avengers, and decided a good guy’s party was in order. He masqueraded it is as a conference, so he could force the rest of the group to give a speech in front of the large gathering, and he himself could also boast about the greatness with which they defeated the latest evil. And after of course, came the copious amounts of alcohol, foods and nudity ~~.~~

When Peter got the invitation it was another ‘no’. No that big, but still really bad.

The merc was at Peter’s place (as he usually was) when the package came. A silver little ball with the words ‘Say Stark Three Times To Open” and the reassuring Stark logo bellow. Deadpool was convinced it was a ploy to murder ‘sweet, sweet Peter’ and demanded he hand it over. Peter agreed and did just that.

He knew Tony, but just barely. Even though he had helped the Avengers on a few cases, they were never particularly respectful towards him, and didn’t let him linger after. Well, they never told him to fuck off exactly, but they’d shake hands, maybe a slap on the back, wave and have their backs to him before he could say ‘Fuck me, Captain America’. It may be just a fault of his own, of not being sociable enough, not taking initiative, or something. But then, Natasha called him ‘kiddo’, Bruce didn’t spare him a glance, and Captain America ruffled his hair. And Tony called him ‘spiderling’. He tried not getting offended, after all, Deadpool was ever fond of baby inspired nicknames and he never minded those (loved some, even), But that was different. And not to mention their jibes about being the merc’s boyfriend. He _hated_ those. They made him feel small and powerless and embarrassed. He _never_ wanted to feel like that about Deadpool. It was one thing for him to do or say embarrassing, or rather silly things and by extension embarrass Peter, but it was another to be made embarrassed by the notion that Deadpool was an important part of his life. It was painful not having to confide in anyone about the underlying shame of being in love with a person known for murder, ugliness and all around ‘craziness’. There was just no way to absolve Wade from the slander.

Peter was forced to watch from the balcony while Deadpool opened the ball. He said the words in a rush and was greeted by an explosion that shook the building from its core.

An explosion of confetti that is!

While the sight of Wade covered in glistening shards of color had him doubling over himself in laughter, the man was silent and holding something in his hand. Peter rushed in to share his guffaws and climbed up on the rainbow of a boyfriend he had.

“Dude! You should have seen your face!” He laughed and snuggled against his head, chasing away some of the color bits.

“You were so ready to shoot your guns, and then just, BOOM! You’re a unicorn!” His shoulders shook with laughter, while the body beneath him stood cold.

“Wade?”

The man in question took a grab of Peter’s t-shirt, who yelped, and found himself cradled into the nook of his boyfriend’s elbow.

“You got mayo, boyfriend.” Wade’s voice came playful, while his eyes stayed carefully guarded.  His free hand held a black slip of paper, for which Peter made a grab.

In golden letters shone the following message:

_You are cordially invited to the first of many ‘Heroes United’ Stark™ conference._

_Suit &Tie _

_Tail &Ears_

_Mutation &Otherwise_

_Body Parts Of Questionable Origin & Self Grown Body Parts_

_All Welcome_

_Bring a guest if you’d like*_

_*This does not stand for Spiderman_

Something painful twisted in Peter’s gut.

His first instinct was to turn to Wade for comfort, but the man above had a sour smile.

“Someone’s gonna have to brake it to Lady May.” He laughed, but Peter was still having difficulty processing it all.

Tony was openly dissing him in a conference invitation which every other Superhero if not in the world, then in the country must have got. Now everyone was having laugh about Spiderman, some not even knowing why, just laughing at Tony’s ever so blunt humor. And Wade…

It hurt. It hurt bad.

“I don’t understand…” Was all he could think to mutter, while coiling further into the one-armed embrace he was in.

“What’s not to understand, baby?” Wade’s chuckle hurt too.

The merc took the paper from his limp fingers and took him to the couch to lay him down in his lap. Scarred fingers took to his hair, carding softly while he spoke:

“You know I’ve done lots of shit to be unwelcome there. I’ve fucking stolen from the man. And worse. It’s kinda natural him not wanting me there. Especially in a place full of goodie goodie two-shoes. Whom I’ve also most likely bamboozled in a most awesome way-“

“You’ve also saved a lot of those assholes! You’ve sacrificed yourself countless of times-“

“I’m immortal, dude-“

“Not the point! You’ve helped them, and done-done lots of good for them, and for this city, and cleaned up a lot of bad guys-“

“Hell yeah, merc’s up in this bitch!”

“No! Not, not mercenary, not as in _murder_ , Wade, please, you’re not making this easier-“

His angry little outburst was cut short by a smooches assault.

“Don’t get angry on my behalf, is all I’m saying” Wade’s voice came flat and almost reassuring. But Peter didn’t want any of that.

“You can’t ask that of me! You’re my boyfriend, and you’re gonna stay that!” Wade burst into laughter and Peter only then realized what he said.

“I mean- You know what I meant!”

“Yeah, yeah, can’t risk losing me, you know, can’t risk destroying your good reputation.” He laughed some more, while Peter saw no humor in it.

“Wade.” He took the scarred face above him in his hands and shut the smile with his mouth. Poured his passion and grief into the mouth that met him with equal fervor.

Still, his internal turmoil caught up with him, and he broke the kiss sharply.

“Baby, it’s alright-“

“It’s not! It’s- It’s degrading and, _mean,_ just, so, so mean!” He felt like throwing a fit, like having a tantrum, like anything else than being powerless.

“I’m sorry.” The morose tone, and words, goddamn, the words, felt like a shock of cold water.

“Wade?” He straightened to grab for the other man’s shoulders.

“I know, _I know_. But, aside the cute words and fluffy feelings, I _am_ at fault here, and it’s just right to apologize.”

“You can’t seriously think that this _slander_ is in anyway right? Wade, you _know_ you’re good-“

“I’m not. And _you_ know I’m not. That doesn’t make me _evil_. But not good, either. So, just… Chill.” He smiled brightly, but it wasn’t even near convincing.

“This isn’t right, Wade-“

“It’s not. It’s demeaning and insert other fancy words for getting dragged, but so what? What are you going to do? Take it to court? Mr. Stark was mean to me, caused emotional damage, get me a lawyer, where’s your manager? This guy’s big, Petey. And Im not talking about down south, I mean superhero business related. He might be an ass, but he’s kind of super important for you.”

“What the hell are you-“

“You want in on the Avengers right?”

“I don’t see how this is-“

“Here’s your ticket, webhead.” He waved the invitation in front of his nose, Peter being too dumbfounded to properly react.

“Wade, I’m genuinely not seeing what you’re after, and this is just making it worse-“

“The Avengers Petey! Captain America’s blond hair shining under the sun, his chiseled jaw supporting full lips smiling down at you, while drops of sweat roll down his glistening with sweat neck-“

“You’re overdoing it.”

“Go tonight. Show up. Show him and them that you’re willing to play along. That you will compensate. That you’re above their bullshit, because you _are_ a superhero and no matter what they might think of you, you stand united with them, their struggle and the cause.”

Peter lay silent, processing the situation, Wade’s eager eyes prompting him to react.

“You’re asking me to pretend. To leave you behind.”

“To accept an invitation to a Stark event. A first one at that. You know what this means? It means it will be recorded. There will be pictures taken. Names written down. Newspeople will be all over this. That’s good rep, baby-boy. You need it. More important, you _deserve_ it.” He smiled sweetly and pecked him quick on the lips, before straightening up, leaving Peter to stare up in confusion.

“So here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna head out to get all the equipment you’re gonna need to bedazzle yourself. I’ll give my best to get a pair of those Victoria’s secret angel wings.”

“Wade, babe-“

“Peter, honey, let me _do this_! I haven’t played dress up since three days ago! It’s gonna be totes awesome, I tell ya. But now I’m thinking leather pants. With the zipper in the ass-crack, dude, we _so_ need to make ‘em fashionable again!”

“Wade!”

“Peter! They’re so handy! Anytime you feel like going at it, just _ziiip_ and you’re there! And then I’m there! Fun for the whole family!”

“That’s not-“

“Or those cowboy jeans, with the bare ass? That’s like _booom_ even Stark’s not that innovative. But now I’m just thinking in terms of ass. We need to make your nipples _pop!_ ”

Peter jumped, straddling his torso, burying his face in the crook of Wade’s neck.

“I don’t want to go without you.”

“Now see, my mind’s all nice and clogged up with lewd Peter pics, and you gotta go on about something that’s so 5 minutes ago?”

“It’s not fair.”

“I’m erect.”

“Ok, fine.”

They moved on.

**Author's Note:**

> Or is he??? dun-dun-dunnnnn...... (I actually have a bigger surprise than that lol, also im back into spideypool hell wohooo can you believe it?? kudos and comments are a force to be reckoned with)


End file.
